About Me

(Oh, like you care.)

Hi. I'm Jim. Using my yummy Linux-based laptop, I serve this website, write various Perl programs, and generally mess around with whatever technology catches my fancy at the time. Here's my geek code.

-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.12
GCS/S d+(pu) s+:+ a23>? C++++ UL++>++++$ P+++ L++ E++ W++
N++ o+ K+++ w--- O? M+ V-- PS+ PE+(-) Y+ PGP t+@* 5+++ X++
R+ tv+ b+>++++ DI++ D++ G+ e++*>++++ h>++ r* !y
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

And here is the final incarnation of the .signature file that was appended to my e-mails and posts on Usenet, although I don't use it anymore. The first block is always used, and the quotes are randomly selected with the help of a Perl script that I wrote. (As in fortune files, the quotes are delimited by lines containing only "%".)

New and Somewhat Improved: AIM quotes

Random things that have fallen out of my head and into my AIM profile at some point. Updated highly sporadically, in reverse chronological order.

Watanabe-sensei: Hai, Hare-san, reizouko ni haite kudasai. Sayonara.

Paul: So, you know how you've started mutilating yourself?
Me: Yeah?
Paul: It turns out we've got something in common. I just got engaged.

Dan: what are you getting pierced? or do i not want to know?
Me: my septum
Dan: your nose, right?
Me: yeah
Dan: ok... 'cause there's another body part that begins with s and ends w/ um that you shouldn't get pierced
Me: yeah, it would hurt getting a pierced sternum
Dan: touche

Chihiro: Tengoku wa ne, sugoku hayai intaanetto konekushon ga atte...
Rafael: You can't get an Internet connection when you're dead!
Chihiro: Well, you know, a wireless one.

Dan: [after buying manga at Borders] You know, this is a really expensive hobby.
Me: So what else am I going to use my money for?
Dan: Well, you could try to find a girl, and spend money on her.
Me: Yeah, I think the manga is a better investment.

Watanabe-sensei: Esan-san, deeto o shimasen ka?
Esan: [choking noise]
Watanabe-sensei: "Urk" ja nai desu yo! That hurt my feelings!

Cartoon goat: [in liquor store] Sore kara, biiru wo roppon kudasai.
Cartoon shopkeeper: Hai, douzo. Arigatou gozaimasu.
Kenji: Why is the goat getting loaded?

Aaron: Well, I had tickets to a hockey game---
Watanabe-sensei: Eigo wa dame desu yo! You know how to say that in Japanese.
Aaron: That's what you think!

Dan: One semester I almost gave myself a blunt trauma wound.
Me: Ouch. How did that happen?
Dan: A girl I knew came to class wearing a tube-top and I whacked my head on a wall bracket turning to look.
Me: ...
Dan: She was really hot!

Dan: [playing DOA: Extreme Beach Volleyball] All right, I just bought some leopard-print shoes to go with my leopard-print outfit!
Me: ...
Me: You realize that, without context, that would probably be the gayest sentence ever.
Dan: Shut up.

Me: besides, I think this is the first and last word in cosplay porn
Me: and should remain so
Dan: i'm glad you have that on hand and ready to send out
Me: "be prepared" is my middle name

Dan: then my neighbor drove by in his new H2, so i started shouting at him, "Way to hate America! Fucking killing our troops for oil!"
Dan: and my dad's like, "Get the fuck inside!"
Me: fight the good fight, man
Dan: amen brother

Me: [plays "Happy Summer Wedding" video]
Morning Musume: Tousan, kaasan, arigatou...
Gary: I don't get it.
Me: Just be quiet and watch the dancing girls.
Gary: Can do!

Dan: [playing GTA3] That bastard Kenji called me a gaijin!
Me: You are a gaijin.
Dan: Yeah, but he doesn't have to fuckin' rub it in like that!