The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates

The list in XML format and the tools used to transform it into HTML are available here. Credit for these immortal words of wisdom goes to the original author, of course. E-mail me with corrections or updates if I've missed anything.


Rule #1:

Pillage, then burn.

Rule #2:

A sergeant in motion outranks a lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.

Rule #3:

An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.

Rule #4:

Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.

Rule #5:

Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.

Rule #6:

If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.

Rule #8:

Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.

Rule #9:

Never turn your back on an enemy.

Rule #10:

Sometimes the only way out is through... through the hull.

Rule #11:

Everything is air-droppable at least once.

Rule #12:

A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

Rule #13:

Do unto others.

Rule #14:

“Mad Science” means never stopping to ask “what's the worst thing that could happen?”

(On the back of “Resident Mad Scientist”.)

Rule #15:

Only you can prevent friendly fire.

Rule #16:

Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.

Rule #21:

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.

(Number is tentative, pending confirmation from a canon source.)

Rule #27:

Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.

Rule #29:

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy, no more, no less.

Rule #30:

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

Rule #31:

Only cheaters prosper.

Rule #34:

If you're leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.

Rule #35:

That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.

(Appears on the T-shirt, but doesn't seem to show up in any actual strip.)

Rule #36:

When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.

Rule #37:

There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.

Rule #38:

Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients.

(Number is tentative, pending confirmation from a canon source.)