Urban Cones

Though they are mainly born and raised in suburban areas, cones usually migrate to large cities to spend their lives. We know that their bright orange exterior prevents efficient photosynthesis; I surmise that they are able to obtain sustinance from the pollution particulates in the city air. They may also thrive on the bits of discarded material that coats the pavement and sidewalks of any urban area. At any rate, cities are prime locations for observing the behaviors of these interesting and often misunderstood creatures.

The War Of Boston

After arriving in Boston, I saw an orange cone and rather stupidly remembered the camera I had left at home. I allowed myself to be ripped off for a disposable 15-shot camera that should have cost about two dollars. Proceeding on my merry way, I took 13 pictures of orange cones and barrels and two pictures of amusing signs, one of which didn't come out because the flash failed to work.

Because of the road work, the pavement was often torn up. Also, many of the cones and barrels seemed either dead, injured, or both. This is when I came up with the theory that the cones and barrels might be enemies.

I'm not sure who's winning or what they're fighting for, or what they even fight with for that matter, but one thing is clear: the general populace of Boston is completely unaware of the conflict raging about them. The first part of the page is intended to rectify that.

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  This cone pinned a barrel down behind a dumpster and killed it. Oh, the horrors of war...

  (The barrel's hard to see because of the shadows, but it's there. I had to climb up on a big dirt pile to get this angle, so you'd better appreciate it.)

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  Deep in barrel-held territory, this seemingly harmless garage is acutally a secret cone outpost.

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  These barrels were ambushed and massacred by a cone strike force. You can see the survivors hiding behind some boxes in the back.

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  Retreating from the site of the ambush, these cones are running away before the barrels get reinforcements. Note the medic cones setting up a field hospital behind the blue minivan.

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  Look out for sniper cones hiding in the bushes.

  (They were like this when I got there. Honest.)

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  This cone was separated from his troop. See how lonely he looks?

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  The cones are hiding something behind the black mesh wall, but we're not sure what.

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  In order to spy on cone activity, this barrel has cleverly disguised himself as a "No Parking" sign.

  (The city couldn't have sprung for a real sign?)

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  The cone killed one barrel, and now its friends are going to kill the cone right back. The ground shows signs of a grenade explosion.

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  The cones are learning to write! How long until they overrun ALL OF MANKIND?

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  Guarding an office building must be important; one of the cones was injured while defending its post, as seen by the white bandages.

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  This cone has tied itself to the stairs to protest the war...

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  ...but being stupid as cones often are, it tied itself to the wrong side of the stairs.

  "Why isn't anyone coming up my side? Awww..."

Boston: The Aftermath

By now, the war has largely subsided; although isolated battles still occur every so often, the treaty has put an end to large-scale actions. Now, Boston is safe once again for both people and cones alike.

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  This cone is trying to flush out a trench full of barrels who have so far managed to hold their ground. According to reports from the cone military organization, this area is one of the last remaining pockets of barrel activity.

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  Since the war's end, civilian cones can be seen outside more often. In the fading evening light, this cone contemplates what to eat for supper at this restaurant.

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  After his meal, the cone sees two of his friends and goes over to greet them.

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  Despite the cone victory, Boston is still a large city and has many of the problems attendant with cities. Here, two adolescent cones look on as a third is put through some sort of bizarre hazing ritual.

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  In an attempt to brighten up a rather dull flowerbed, a small patch of conemesh has been grown. It is a healthy specimen, as can be determined from its closely knit mesh of fibers.

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  Standing on a makeshift platform, this cone looks over the barrier to watch boats sail into the harbor.

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  In the cool morning air, these tourist cones huddle together for warmth as they wait for the bus tour to start. In the meantime, they look through their backpack for their tickets.

Noo Yawk Cones

In late July, I went on a two-day trip to NYC to see the spiffy new Hayden Planetarium. Obviously, there were many cones to be seen. However, half a disaster struck: I was there for two days, and it rained for the entirety of the first day. Not wanting to get any of the smog-acidified water on the lens, I was unable to take as many pictures as I would have liked. I will get more on any future trips, however.

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  Apparantly, albinism is much more common for cones than for people. Nick Bensema, take note.

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  ACK! The cones are in league with aliens!

  (Note to self: don't try flash photography while it's raining.)